Embracing the Journey

Today’s Reading: Leviticus 12-14:32

I woke up this morning still feeling it.

Hope.

Peace.

Excitement.

The circumstances around me have not suddenly changed. I still do not know exactly what comes next.

But I am starting to understand something I did not understand before:

Fear does not get the final word just because it was the first thought to show up.

And this morning, I got another chance to practice that.

Yesterday, I Let a Good Day Be a Good Day

Yesterday was Saturday, and I woke up ready to go.

I have been so excited about this idea of doing a 30-day journey together – reading Scripture, noticing what comes up, checking it, choosing differently, and seeing what happens.

No promises.

No expectations.

Just curiosity.

I wanted to work on it.

I wanted to get the Facebook page started.

I even brought my laptop to hockey because apparently I thought I was going to casually build things between games. 😂

Instead, the adults got to the rink and almost immediately fell asleep.

And strangely enough, I was okay with that.

I remember thinking:

Apparently my body and mind needed this.

There was no guilt.

No you should be working.

No pressure to make the day productive.

We went into hockey. I got to spend time around people I genuinely enjoy being around right now – that feeling of community without all the negativity that has felt so loud lately.

Afterward, my son went to a party with the boys, so my husband, mom, and I went out to eat and did some shopping.

That was it.

Nothing dramatic.

Just a really good family day.

And maybe that is part of the change too.

Peace Is Starting to Look Different

For so long, I thought peace would mean everything was settled.

Problems solved.

Questions answered.

Nothing hanging over my head.

Instead, I am discovering peace right in the middle of things that are still unresolved.

Yesterday, it looked like falling asleep at a hockey rink instead of forcing myself to work.

It looked like enjoying people.

Eating dinner.

Walking around stores.

Being present with my family.

Still doing my reading and devotional, but without turning any of it into another obligation I needed to perform perfectly.

I did not put pressure on myself.

That might sound small.

For me, it is not.

Then This Morning, Doubt Knocked

I woke up excited again.

One of my first thoughts was about the blog.

The Facebook page.

The 30-day journey.

I kept imagining what it could look like if other people decided to try this too.

Again, I have no expectations for what happens with it.

I am just excited by the possibility.

And then, almost as quickly as that excitement arrived, another thought slipped in.

What are people going to think?

There it was.

Fear of judgment.

Old familiar territory.

Except this time, I noticed it almost immediately.

Notice

That matters.

Because I used to follow thoughts like that before I even realized I was doing it.

One fearful thought could become an entire argument in my head.

Maybe I should not do this.

Maybe people will think I am ridiculous.

Who am I to talk about any of this?

What if people misunderstand me?

What if I put myself out there and regret it?

But this morning, the thought did not get very far.

I caught it.

There is the fear.

Check

Then came the next step.

What is this thought producing in me?

Peace?

No.

Truth?

Not really.

It was producing hesitation.

Fear.

The urge to pull back from something that, minutes earlier, I had felt excited and hopeful about.

And then I had another question:

Is that the enemy?

I have wondered about this before.

How do I know whether a thought is simply my own fear, an old pattern, or something trying to pull me away from where I should be going?

This time, instead of trying to solve that question entirely inside my own head, I prayed.

“Lord, Take Control.”

Those words have meant so much to me throughout my life.

And this morning, I said them again.

Lord, take control.

Then I specifically asked God:

Was that doubt that just crept in the enemy?

I wanted help discerning it.

Not because I think every uncomfortable thought automatically comes from the devil.

I do not know that I can identify the source of every single thought with certainty.

But I could recognize what this one was doing.

It was trying to move me from hope into fear.

So I brought it to God.

And then I continued with my morning.

Then I Opened Today’s Devotional

And this is where I just stared at the page.

Today’s devotional was titled:

“Life’s Instruction Book.”

It talked about staying grounded in God’s Word when lies and darkness threaten to pull us away.

It talked about needing discernment in everyday situations.

About Scripture helping us know which direction to take.

About the Holy Spirit helping us recognize God’s voice.

About standing firm in faith when fear appears.

And then it specifically talked about the enemy trying to capture our minds with lies.

I had literally just prayed:

God, was that doubt the enemy?

And then I read that.

Tell me that would not get your attention.

I Am Not Calling It Proof

I want to be careful here, because this is something I have been learning throughout this entire journey.

I do not think every coincidence means I should immediately declare:

God told me exactly what everything means.

I am still testing.

Still checking.

Still learning.

But I can tell you what it felt like to me.

It felt like another reminder:

Stay grounded. Check the thought. Keep going.

And because of the exact prayer I had just prayed, this devotional felt deeply personal.

Maybe someone else would read that same page and notice something entirely different.

That is okay.

That is actually part of what fascinates me about all of this.

Maybe Discernment Is More Practical Than I Thought

I used to think discernment meant somehow immediately knowing exactly where every thought came from.

This one is God.

This one is me.

This one is fear.

This one is the enemy.

Maybe sometimes we do feel very clear.

But lately, I have been learning a more practical way to approach it.

Notice the thought.

Check what it is producing.

Take it to God.

Compare it with truth.

Then choose what you are going to follow.

That takes so much pressure off having to instantly identify everything perfectly.

Because even when I do not know exactly where a thought originated, I can still examine where it wants to take me.

Not Every First Thought Deserves a Verdict

That may be one of the biggest things I am learning.

The first thought is not automatically the truth.

The loudest thought is not automatically the truth.

The scariest possibility is not automatically the future.

And a moment of doubt does not automatically mean I should change direction.

Not every first thought deserves a verdict.

Some thoughts need to be noticed.

Examined.

Prayed over.

Compared with what we know.

And sometimes released before they ever become a decision.

That is exactly what happened this morning.

Fear spoke.

But fear did not get to decide.

Not every first thought deserves a verdict.

Then Leviticus Made Me Notice Something Else

Today I read Leviticus 12 through the first part of chapter 14.

And once again, I found myself noticing the details.

There are repeated instructions around examination.

Looking carefully.

Waiting.

Checking again.

Determining what is actually there before responding.

In chapter 13 especially, there are situations where something is examined, time passes, and then it is examined again before a determination is made.

I am not saying those laws were written as a lesson about modern thought patterns.

That is not what the passage is about.

But while reading it, I could not help noticing the rhythm:

Do not rush the conclusion.

Examine.

Wait.

Look again.

Then respond to what is actually there.

And I thought:

There it is again.

Notice. Check. Choose.

This framework keeps appearing in my real life.

Not because I am trying to force every Bible passage into those three words.

But because I am beginning to see how often wisdom requires us to pause before reacting.

Notice what is actually happening.

Check it carefully.

Then choose what comes next.

That morning doubt?

Notice.

Fear of judgment just showed up.

Check.

What is it producing? Where is it trying to take me? Does that align with what I have been learning?

Choose.

Pray. Stay grounded. Do the next right thing instead of immediately pulling back.

It sounds simple.

But simplicity does not mean easy.

It just gives me somewhere to begin.

Fear Can Speak Without Being in Charge

This may be one of the biggest shifts for me.

I used to think becoming more peaceful would mean I eventually stopped having fearful thoughts.

Apparently not.

Fear still shows up.

Doubt still shows up.

Old patterns still knock on the door.

But maybe growth is not reaching a place where fear never speaks again.

Maybe growth is learning that fear does not get the final word.

I can hear the thought without obeying it.

I can feel fear without building my life around it.

I can question something without abandoning it.

I can pause long enough to ask:

What is true here?

The 30-Day Journey Is Already Testing Me

That part makes me laugh a little.

We have not even started yet.

October 1 has not arrived.

The guide is not finished.

The Facebook page is not even up yet.

And already, I have had to use the exact practice I want to invite other people into.

I got excited.

Fear showed up.

I noticed.

I checked.

I prayed.

And now I am choosing to keep moving.

Maybe that is exactly why I should keep writing about it.

Not because I have mastered any of this.

Because I am practicing it in real time.

I Have No Idea What This Becomes

Maybe five people try the 30 days.

Maybe more.

Maybe someone quietly follows along and never tells me.

Maybe someone starts and stops halfway through.

Maybe another person has an experience completely different from mine.

I genuinely do not know.

And for once, I do not feel the need to know.

That is not mine to control.

My part is much smaller.

Build the guide.

Create the space.

Share what I am learning.

Invite people gently.

Keep showing up.

The rest?

Lord, take control.

What If the Fear Is Just Another Thing to Notice?

Maybe you have something you have been thinking about doing too.

Something good.

Something hopeful.

Something that feels aligned with who you are becoming.

And every time you get close, another voice appears.

What will people think?

What if you fail?

What if you look foolish?

Who do you think you are?

Maybe the goal is not to make sure you never hear those thoughts again.

Maybe the first step is simply recognizing:

There it is.

Then check it.

What is this producing in me?

Is it leading toward wisdom or simply fear?

Is there a legitimate concern I need to address?

Or am I about to let fear make a decision it was never supposed to make?

Then bring it to God.

Faith Does Not Mean Ignoring Every Concern

This matters too.

Checking a fearful thought does not mean automatically doing the opposite of whatever fear says.

Sometimes concern points us toward something we genuinely need to address.

Wisdom may tell us to slow down.

Ask another question.

Seek advice.

Correct something.

Wait.

Discernment is not pretending everything uncomfortable must be ignored.

It is refusing to let fear alone become the authority.

That difference matters.

I Keep Coming Back to the Same Place

The Word.

Prayer.

Paying attention.

Testing what I am thinking.

Looking at what it produces.

Choosing the next right thing.

And then doing it again tomorrow.

Maybe that is why today’s devotional hit me so strongly.

It reminded me that I do not have to navigate every thought alone.

I can keep returning to Scripture.

I can ask for wisdom.

I can pray for discernment.

And I can keep learning.

Questions I’m Leaving With

What thought has been getting the final word in my life lately?

Do I automatically believe the first fearful thing my mind tells me?

What is that thought producing in me?

Have I actually examined it, or have I already treated it like truth?

Is there wisdom in the concern that I need to listen to?

Or is fear simply trying to make the decision?

What happens if I take the thought to God before I act on it?

What does Scripture say that might help me test what I am believing?

Am I willing to pause long enough to notice before reacting?

What would I choose if fear did not get the final word?

Today’s Takeaway

You do not have to eliminate every fearful thought before you can move forward.

You may still doubt.

You may still wonder what people think.

Old fears may still appear at exactly the moment you are feeling hopeful.

When they do, pause.

Notice

Do not immediately argue with the thought.

Just recognize it.

Fear is here.

Check

What is this producing?

Is there truth in it?

Does something actually need your attention?

Or is your mind moving straight toward fear, shame, panic, or retreat?

Pray

Bring the thought to God.

You do not need a perfect prayer.

Mine was simple:

Lord, take control.

Ask for wisdom.

Ask for discernment.

Ask to see what is true.

Choose

Then decide what deserves to lead.

Maybe you need to change course.

Maybe you need more information.

Maybe you need to wait.

And sometimes, you may realize fear simply does not deserve the authority you were about to give it.

You can hear it without following it.

Because not every first thought deserves a verdict.

And maybe growth is not becoming someone who never feels fear again.

Maybe it is becoming someone who knows what to do when fear arrives.

Notice.

Check.

Pray.

Choose.

Then keep going.

Until next time… keep noticing.