State of My Heart: Hopeful, uncertain, and choosing to trust.
Today’s Reading
Genesis 1-4
Matthew 1
Verse That Stayed With Me
“If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must rule over it.” – Genesis 4:7
This verse stopped me in my tracks.
I don’t remember it affecting me this way the last time I read through the Bible years ago. It’s fascinating how the same words can speak so differently depending on where we are in life.
As I sat with it, it felt incredibly clear.
God was warning Cain that he had a choice. Sin wasn’t inevitable. It was waiting, enticing him, but he wasn’t without responsibility. He could choose what was right.
That thought stayed with me long after I finished reading.
What I Noticed
Several things stood out to me this time that I don’t remember noticing before.
In the Garden of Eden, God gave Adam and Eve incredible freedom. There was only one tree they were told not to eat from. Yet the serpent entered with deception, causing Eve to question what God had already made clear.
That struck me.
The temptation wasn’t simply the fruit – it was believing another voice over God’s.
As I continued reading, another detail suddenly connected for me.
When God tells Adam, “for dust you are and to dust you will return,” it reminded me that we were formed from the ground itself. The pain of childbirth, the curse on the ground, returning to dust… these were all consequences flowing from humanity’s first act of disobedience.
Then Genesis 4 gave another example.
Cain’s jealousy grew instead of his love for his brother Abel.
Again, sin was waiting at the door.
Again, there was a choice.
What This Revealed
I saw a God who warns before He judges.
He doesn’t leave people without direction.
Even with Cain, God didn’t immediately condemn him. Instead, He lovingly warned him about what was happening inside his heart and urged him toward a different path.
That feels like the heart of a loving Father.
About People
Human nature hasn’t changed much.
From the very beginning, people have wrestled with temptation, comparison, jealousy, pride, and believing voices other than God’s.
Reading Genesis doesn’t just tell me where humanity began.
In many ways, it still describes us.
About Me
This reading felt strangely personal.
Looking back over my own life, I’ve seen seasons where I drifted away from God and made choices I knew weren’t the best for me. Those choices had consequences.
I’ve also experienced seasons where I simply tried to focus on doing the next right thing.
Not perfectly.
Just faithfully.
And while life hasn’t always been easy, I’ve seen God remain faithful through those seasons.
Reading Genesis 4:7 almost felt like a gentle reminder:
Keep choosing the next right thing.
What I’m Wrestling With
Right now, there’s a lot of uncertainty surrounding my job.
On my first day back from PTO, I learned that our company’s merger had fallen through, and things may move quickly from here.
I won’t pretend that doesn’t scare me.
But through this entire process, I’ve tried to remain as positive as I could. I’ve tried to encourage others, focus on what I can control, and keep doing what I believe is right.
I don’t want to live in panic.
I want to live in faith.
Not because I know exactly how everything will unfold, but because I believe I can choose how I respond while I’m waiting.
Where Did I See This Today?
One part of this week keeps replaying in my mind.
Last week, I was on PTO. For the first time in years, I truly disconnected from work because I knew my mind desperately needed the rest.
Whenever thoughts about work surfaced, I reminded myself that everything seemed to be moving forward and that there wasn’t anything I could do from vacation anyway.
Then, the night before returning to work, I couldn’t sleep.
Out of nowhere, the idea for restarting this blog came so strongly that I grabbed my phone and wrote it down so I wouldn’t forget.
The very next morning, on my first day back, I learned the merger had fallen through.
Maybe it’s just timing.
Maybe it’s something more.
I honestly don’t know.
But it made me wonder if God was quietly preparing my heart before I even knew why I’d need it.
Whether that’s true or not, this much is certain:
I’m grateful I chose to begin this journey now.
Today’s Prayer
God,
Thank You for meeting me on the very first day of this journey.
As uncertain as life feels right now, help me keep my eyes on You instead of my fears.
Teach me to recognize the voices that pull me away from You and give me the wisdom to keep choosing what is right, even when the future feels unclear.
If this season is shaping me, help me trust Your hands while You’re doing the work.
And if this blog is meant to become something more than I can currently imagine, let it always point back to You instead of me.
Amen.
Tomorrow I Want to Notice…
I want to notice where God is already working, even in places I would normally overlook.
Questions I’m Leaving With
If sin has been “crouching at the door” since the very beginning, how often do I mistake temptation for my own thoughts?
How many of the consequences we experience are rooted in choosing another voice over God’s?
And how often is God quietly preparing me for something before I even realize I need Him there?
Until next time… keep noticing.