Embracing the Journey

Today’s Reading: Exodus 32-34

Something has been getting louder around me lately.

Fear.

Not necessarily my own fear.

Other people’s.

Work has become increasingly uncertain, and I can feel the atmosphere changing.

People who may have seemed checked out before suddenly have a lot more urgency.

Everyone wants to know what is happening.

What comes next.

Who will still be here.

What someone else knows.

What another person is doing.

And when people become afraid, tension follows.

I could feel myself getting pulled into it today.

Not dramatically.

Just enough to notice.

Comparison started creeping in.

Frustration followed.

Then came that little internal urge to watch what everyone else was doing and wonder whether I should be doing something different too.

But something in me kept returning to the same thought:

Keep your integrity.

Just be you.

Do what you know is right.

And every single time I returned there?

Peace.

I Don’t Have to Match the Room

I think this is one of the clearest changes I’ve noticed in myself lately.

Other people can be anxious without me becoming anxious with them.

Someone else can react strongly without requiring an equally strong reaction from me.

Another person may make choices I don’t understand.

That still doesn’t mean I need to change mine.

This used to be harder for me.

I could get caught in the energy of a situation.

Someone would become frustrated, and suddenly I’d feel frustrated too.

When people started panicking, my brain immediately went searching for everything I might have missed.

Then someone else would make a move and I’d wonder:

Should I be doing that too?

Today, I caught it.

Instead of following the feeling, I reminded myself:

You know what the next right thing is.

That sentence settled me almost immediately.

Maybe integrity under pressure isn’t about never feeling the tension.

Maybe it’s about knowing what to return to when the tension shows up.

Peace Keeps Meeting Me There

I don’t mean that I always know exactly what decision to make.

I don’t.

There are still plenty of situations where I need to think, pray, ask questions, and gather information.

But sometimes I already know enough.

Tell the truth.

Be fair.

Stay out of something that feels wrong.

Treat people well.

Do your job.

Help where you can.

Keep your word.

Stay grounded.

And stop trying to manage how everyone else responds.

That is when another thought hit me today:

Peace keeps meeting me every time I choose integrity over comparison.

Comparison creates noise.

Integrity simplifies things.

Comparison wants to know:

What are they doing?

What do they think of me?

Am I behind?

Should I change because they changed?

Integrity asks something much quieter:

What do I believe is right here?

And then:

Can I do that?

You Know What the Next Right Thing Is

That phrase has followed me for years:

The next right thing.

But lately it feels different.

Maybe because I’ve finally connected it with everything else I’ve been learning.

Notice.

Check.

Choose.

What is mine to carry?

Surrender the rest.

And now:

Keep your integrity.

These don’t feel like separate lessons anymore.

They work together.

When I notice myself getting pulled into the emotion of a moment, I can pause.

Then I check:

What is actually mine here?

My behavior belongs to me.

So does my integrity.

The next choice I make is mine too.

What everyone else does afterward?

That belongs to them.

Their motives aren’t mine to manage.

Neither are their career decisions.

And the final outcome?

Still not mine.

So I choose the next right thing.

Then I surrender the rest.

Then I Read Exodus 32

Today’s reading was Exodus 32-34.

And once again, I found myself noticing how relevant an ancient story can feel.

Moses had gone up the mountain.

The people waited.

When he didn’t return as quickly as they expected, their uncertainty grew.

Eventually, they decided they needed something they could see.

Something they could control.

They made the golden calf.

I kept thinking about the sequence.

They were waiting without knowing what was happening.

The person they expected to return had not come back yet.

Somewhere inside that uncertainty, waiting became too uncomfortable.

So they acted.

That feels incredibly human.

How often do we do some version of that?

An answer doesn’t come quickly enough.

We aren’t sure what another person is doing.

The future feels uncertain.

And our brains start saying:

Do something.

Anything.

Get control back.

Make a decision.

Create certainty.

Follow what everyone else is doing.

Just don’t sit in the unknown.

Fear Can Make Us Reach for Control

That may be one of the connections that stood out most to me.

The Israelites had already seen extraordinary things.

They had experienced God’s provision.

They had watched the Red Sea open.

They had received manna.

They had seen God provide water.

And still, a new period of uncertainty came…

and fear changed their behavior.

I don’t read that and think:

How could they possibly do that?

Not anymore.

Now I think:

I understand how quickly uncertainty can make people reach for something they can control.

I see it around me.

And I see the tendency in myself too.

That is why the question What is mine to carry? has helped me so much.

It interrupts the need to control everything just because I am uncomfortable.

Our Choices Still Matter

Another part of Exodus 32 stood out to me.

There were consequences.

The choices the people made mattered.

That has been another thread running through these readings for me.

Grace matters.

Forgiveness matters.

God’s mercy matters enormously.

But that does not make our choices meaningless.

How we live matters.

What we practice matters.

How we treat people matters.

Whether we follow the crowd simply because everyone else is moving in one direction matters.

Whether fear turns us into someone we don’t want to become matters.

And that keeps bringing me back to the larger idea I’ve been seeing lately:

Life is shaping us.

Every season is giving us opportunities to practice something.

Fear or faith.

Resentment or forgiveness.

Comparison or integrity.

Control or surrender.

Reaction or discernment.

We are becoming something through those choices.

Moses Wasn’t Perfect Either

Exodus 32-34 also does not give us a story full of perfect people.

Moses becomes angry.

The people fail.

There are consequences.

There is intercession.

There is correction.

There is mercy.

There is another opportunity to move forward.

And I think that matters too.

Growth does not mean getting every response right forever.

I still get frustrated.

I can still get pulled into the moment.

I can still find myself comparing.

The difference is that now I am catching it sooner.

Wait.

That’s not where I want to go.

Keep your integrity.

Do the next right thing.

Surrender the rest.

Then move forward again.

Maybe that is another kind of grace.

Not never wandering.

Recognizing sooner when you have.

I Don’t Need to Know What Everyone Else Is Doing

That may be one of the most freeing things I am practicing right now.

I don’t need to constantly compare my response with everyone else’s.

Someone else’s urgency doesn’t determine mine.

Their fear doesn’t have to become my fear.

Their choices do not automatically require me to change direction.

And if someone else receives an opportunity, makes a decision, changes their behavior, or responds differently than I would?

I can notice it.

I can learn from it if there is something worth learning.

But I do not have to let comparison decide who I become.

There is peace in that.

Because suddenly my world becomes much smaller.

In a good way.

I don’t have to solve the entire room.

I only have to ask:

Who do I want to be in this moment?

Other People May Notice Before You Do

There is another part of this that keeps coming back to me.

Other people notice how we respond.

I used to hear that and immediately feel pressure.

Great. Now I have to handle everything perfectly because people are watching.

But that is not what I mean anymore.

People don’t need to see perfection.

Maybe they simply see consistency.

They see someone frustrated who chooses not to become cruel.

Someone uncertain who still acts with integrity.

Someone scared who doesn’t add more fear to the room.

Someone who could join the gossip but doesn’t.

Someone who gets pulled in for a moment…

and then returns.

That connects to something I wrote before:

They may never know you prayed. They just see what the prayer is changing in you.

I understand that line more now than when I first wrote it.

Growth Is Becoming Easier to Recognize

A few weeks ago, I thought growth would eventually feel like having more answers.

Instead, I think I am seeing it in my responses.

The circumstances have not become easier.

If anything, some things at work feel more stressful right now.

There are still unknowns.

There is still tension.

And today gave me plenty of opportunities to get pulled into all of it.

But instead, over and over:

Keep your integrity.

Do the next right thing.

What is mine to carry?

Surrender the rest.

And then peace.

Not every time instantly.

But enough that I notice the pattern.

That feels like growth.

Maybe This Is What Confidence Actually Feels Like

Something else surprised me today.

Choosing integrity didn’t only give me peace.

It gave me confidence.

Not the kind of confidence that says:

I know exactly how this is going to turn out.

I absolutely do not.

It was quieter than that.

More like:

I know who I want to be while it unfolds.

That’s different.

Maybe confidence doesn’t always come from knowing the outcome.

Sometimes it comes from knowing your values.

Knowing what you believe.

Knowing where your responsibility begins and ends.

Knowing you can trust yourself to pause when emotions rise and ask:

What is the next right thing?

I don’t need everyone around me to make the same choice.

I just need to be responsible for mine.

Questions I’m Leaving With

When the people around me become anxious, do I automatically absorb their fear?

Where does comparison create unnecessary noise in my life?

What happens inside me when someone else changes direction?

Do I feel pressure to follow simply because everyone else seems to be moving?

What values do I want to hold onto when circumstances become uncertain?

When emotion takes over for a moment, how quickly can I return?

Am I making choices because they are right – or because they make me feel temporarily more in control?

What is actually mine in the situation in front of me?

Can I surrender the rest without constantly checking whether everyone else has?

And maybe most importantly:

Who do I want to be while I wait?

Today’s Takeaway

Maybe the environment around you is getting louder too.

People are reacting.

Opinions are flying.

Someone else’s fear is starting to feel contagious.

You may be wondering if you need to change what you’re doing simply because everyone around you suddenly seems to be moving.

Before you do, pause.

Keep Your Integrity

Ask yourself:

What do I already know is right?

Maybe you know you need to tell the truth.

Perhaps you need to stay out of the gossip.

You may need to treat someone fairly even when other people have already decided how they feel.

Maybe the next right thing is setting a boundary.

Or apologizing.

Or staying quiet.

Or simply continuing to do your work with integrity while everyone else figures out theirs.

You do not need every answer to choose who you want to be.

Don’t Let Comparison Choose for You

Comparison makes other people’s choices feel like instructions.

They aren’t.

You can observe without copying.

Listen without absorbing.

Learn without abandoning your own discernment.

And when fear says:

Everyone else is doing something. You better do something too.

Ask:

Is that actually mine?

Maybe it is.

If so, act.

But if it isn’t?

Let it pass.

You Know the Next Right Thing

You may not know how the story ends.

You may not know what another person chooses.

You might not know what tomorrow changes.

But there may be something you already know.

The next honest thing.

The next kind thing.

The next courageous thing.

The next responsible thing.

The next right thing.

Do that.

Then surrender what comes after it.

Because maybe peace doesn’t come from finally getting control over everything happening around you.

Maybe peace comes from knowing:

I stayed true to who I want to be inside of it.

And when the room gets louder tomorrow?

Come back again.

Keep your integrity.

You know what the next right thing is. The rest is not yours to control.

Until next time… keep noticing.