Embracing the Journey

Today’s Reading: Deuteronomy 26-29:1

This week has still felt like a roller coaster.

There have been moments where I felt more confident.

More comfortable.

More settled into what is in front of me.

And then there have been other moments where something happens and suddenly I can feel my brain wanting to question everything again.

Am I handling this right?

Did I say too much?

Should I have waited?

What is mine here?

What am I supposed to do?

And then this week, in the middle of all of that, I had a difficult conversation.

Not dramatic.

Not easy either.

But before I went into it, I stopped.

And I told myself:

Be honest. Be respectful. Be you.

That was it.

And afterward, I realized something I have been wanting to write about for a while now.

Sometimes taking the higher road is not staying quiet. Sometimes it is telling the truth in a way that still leaves your integrity intact.

Take the Higher Road Does Not Mean Avoid the Hard Thing

For a long time, I think I sometimes confused being the bigger person with saying less.

Absorb it.

Keep going.

Do not make things worse.

Do not create conflict.

Just deal with it.

And there are absolutely times when silence is wisdom.

Not every comment needs a response.

Not every disagreement deserves energy.

Not every uncomfortable moment needs to become a confrontation.

But I am learning that staying quiet is not automatically the higher road.

Sometimes the higher road is having the conversation.

Honestly.

Respectfully.

Clearly.

Even when it is uncomfortable.

The Conversation Was Hard

I knew it would be.

There are certain conversations where you know before they begin that someone may not like what you have to say.

That alone can make me second-guess myself.

I do not enjoy hurting people.

I do not enjoy conflict.

And I definitely do not enjoy feeling misunderstood.

So there is always that temptation to soften something so much that the truth almost disappears.

Or to avoid it altogether.

But this time, I paused first.

And instead of asking:

How do I make sure they agree with me?

I asked something closer to:

How do I want to show up here?

That changed the conversation before it even started.

Be Honest. Be Respectful. Be You.

That was what I kept coming back to.

I could be honest without being cruel.

I could be direct without being disrespectful.

I could explain my perspective without attacking someone else’s character.

I could say something difficult without turning the conversation into a fight.

And most importantly, I could stay aligned with who I want to be.

That matters more to me now than winning the conversation.

There Is a Difference Between Being Right and Doing Right

This may be one of the biggest lessons I am carrying forward.

It is easy to become focused on:

Am I right?

But maybe the better question is:

Am I doing right?

Those are not always the same thing.

I can believe I am right and still communicate badly.

I can have valid concerns and still react from anger.

I can be correct about a problem and still handle the person unfairly.

So I want to ask more.

Was I honest?

Was I respectful?

Was I fair?

Did I listen?

Did I communicate clearly?

Did I stay grounded in integrity?

That is the part I can control.

The Higher Road Does Not Guarantee Agreement

That is another thing I am learning.

Doing the right thing does not mean everybody will agree with you.

Someone can still dislike your decision.

Someone can disagree with your perspective.

Someone can walk away frustrated.

And that does not automatically mean you handled the situation badly.

This is where I think I have sometimes given other people’s reactions too much authority.

If someone is upset, my brain immediately wants to ask:

Did I do something wrong?

Sometimes the answer may be yes.

And if it is, I want to own it.

But sometimes the answer is simply:

They did not like what I had to say.

Those are different things.

I Can Examine Myself Without Automatically Blaming Myself

That feels like growth too.

I want to remain self-aware.

I do not ever want confidence to turn into:

I am always right.

Absolutely not.

I want to stay teachable.

I want people to tell me when I miss something.

I want to be willing to apologize.

I want to correct course when needed.

But being teachable does not require assuming every difficult interaction is proof that I failed.

I can honestly examine myself.

Take responsibility for what is mine.

Then release what is not.

There it is again.

What is mine to carry?

This Week Gave Me Plenty of Chances to Practice

Work has been heavy.

There are things happening that I am intentionally going to keep very broad here.

Different personalities.

Old dynamics.

New responsibilities.

Questions about roles and communication.

Moments where I felt confident.

Other moments where I felt undermined or unsure.

And there have absolutely been times when old feelings have resurfaced.

That is the part I have had to watch carefully.

Because when something feels familiar in an uncomfortable way, my brain can quickly start connecting dots.

Assuming motives.

Predicting outcomes.

Preparing to defend myself.

And that is exactly where everything I have learned lately has to become real.

I Still Need to Pause

This journey has not made hard situations disappear.

If anything, I feel like I am being given more opportunities to practice inside them.

Pause.

Notice.

Check.

Choose.

Return.

Ask:

What is actually mine here?

And sometimes:

What is mine to lead without trying to control everything around it?

Those questions have become important guardrails for me.

Because responsibility can become control very quickly if I am not paying attention.

Integrity Is Not Passive

I think this is another thing I understand differently now.

Integrity is not only refusing to do something wrong.

Sometimes integrity requires action.

It may mean speaking up.

Having a difficult conversation.

Setting a boundary.

Holding someone accountable.

Telling the truth when avoiding it would be easier.

And that can feel uncomfortable.

Especially for someone who would rather keep the peace.

But peace built on avoiding everything is not really peace.

Sometimes peace comes after knowing:

I handled that the best way I knew how.

That Feeling Afterward Was Different

That is what stood out to me after this particular conversation.

It was hard.

I still had feelings about it.

But there was also this sense of peace afterward.

Because I knew I had done what I told myself to do.

Be honest.

Be respectful.

Be me.

I did not have to become aggressive.

I did not have to prove anything.

I did not have to make the other person wrong so I could feel right.

I just had to say what was true from my perspective and do it with integrity.

That is an amazing feeling.

Not because the situation becomes perfect afterward.

But because I can look back and say:

I am okay with how I showed up.

I Want That to Become Part of How I Lead

That matters even more now.

I have written a lot lately about the kind of leader I want to be.

Confident.

Fair.

Clear.

Respectful.

Honest.

Willing to hold people accountable.

Willing to be held accountable too.

And led by God’s Word.

I do not want faith to only comfort me in leadership.

I want it to correct me in leadership too.

That means I need God to keep me in check.

When I am tempted to react.

When I am convinced I know someone’s motives.

When I want to control the outcome.

When I am frustrated.

When I am scared.

When I feel defensive.

When I am tempted to say nothing simply because telling the truth feels difficult.

I Need God to Keep Me in Check

That might be one of the most important things I have realized in this entire season.

I do not only need God’s peace because work is stressful.

I need His wisdom because responsibility is increasing.

I need His Word because I do not want my own fear, ego, or frustration becoming the thing guiding me.

I need the constant question:

Does this response match who I say I want to be?

And sometimes the answer will challenge me.

Sometimes it may tell me to slow down.

Sometimes to listen.

Sometimes to apologize.

Sometimes to wait.

And sometimes to speak.

That is why the connection matters so much to me.

Deuteronomy Keeps Bringing Me Back to Accountability

Today’s reading was Deuteronomy 26 through 29:1.

There is a lot in these chapters about covenant, obedience, remembering, responsibility, blessing, and the seriousness of how people live.

What stood out to me in this season is that faithfulness is not just an internal feeling.

It shows up in behavior.

How we treat people matters.

What we do when things are difficult matters.

Our choices matter.

Integrity matters.

And that challenged me in a good way.

Because if I want God’s Word shaping my leadership, then it has to shape me when things are uncomfortable too.

Not only when being kind is easy.

Not only when everyone agrees.

Taking the Higher Road Is Still a Choice

I wish choosing integrity automatically made everything simple.

It does not.

Sometimes it is actually harder.

The lower road may feel easier in the moment.

React.

Defend.

Gossip.

Assume.

Attack.

Avoid.

Prove.

But the higher road asks more.

Pause.

Tell the truth.

Stay respectful.

Do not exaggerate.

Do not assign motives you cannot prove.

Address the actual behavior.

Own what belongs to you.

Then let the other person own what belongs to them.

That takes work.

The Higher Road Protects My Peace Too

Maybe that is why it feels so different afterward.

When I react from fear, I replay everything.

Did I go too far?

Should I have said that?

How did I sound?

Did I make it worse?

But when I slow down and respond from integrity, there is much less to untangle afterward.

Someone may still disagree.

But I do not have to recover from becoming someone I did not want to be.

That is peace.

I Am Not Completely There

I want to be honest about that too.

I am growing.

But I am still learning.

There were moments this week where I felt overwhelmed.

There were moments I questioned myself.

There were times old fears came back quickly.

There were moments when I wanted much more control than I actually had.

And there were times I needed to say:

Lord, take control.

Again.

But I can also say with confidence:

There has been growth.

And there will continue to be growth.

That is enough.

I Do Not Need to Become Perfect to Lead With Integrity

That may be another expectation I need to release.

I am going to make mistakes.

I will sometimes move too quickly.

I will occasionally misunderstand something.

I may say something I wish I had worded differently.

That is part of being human.

The goal cannot be:

Never get anything wrong.

Maybe the better goal is:

Be honest enough to recognize it, humble enough to correct it, and grounded enough not to let the fear of mistakes stop you from leading.

That feels much more sustainable.

Sometimes the Higher Road Is the Hard Conversation

This is the line I want to remember most.

The higher road does not mean avoiding hard conversations. It means having them without abandoning who you are.

Taking the higher road does not mean becoming passive.

It does not mean allowing behavior that needs to be addressed.

It does not mean avoiding accountability.

It does not mean keeping yourself small so nobody gets upset.

Sometimes taking the higher road means saying the difficult thing.

But saying it with honesty.

Respect.

Fairness.

And integrity.

Questions I’m Leaving With

Am I more focused on being right, or doing what is right?

Can I tell the truth without needing someone else to be wrong?

Am I staying quiet because it is wise, or because I am afraid of conflict?

What does integrity require from me in this situation?

Have I treated disagreement as evidence that I did something wrong?

Where do I need to examine myself honestly without automatically blaming myself?

What is mine to carry?

What is mine to lead?

What belongs to someone else?

Can I hold someone accountable without trying to control them?

And when the conversation is over, can I honestly say:

I am at peace with how I showed up?

Today’s Takeaway

The higher road does not mean avoiding hard conversations. It means having them without abandoning who you are.

Pause First

Do not let the first wave of emotion choose your response.

Give yourself enough space to decide how you want to show up.

Be Honest

Say what is true.

Do not exaggerate.

Do not hide behind vague language simply because honesty feels uncomfortable.

Be Respectful

Truth does not require cruelty.

You can be direct without becoming destructive.

Examine Yourself

Ask whether you contributed to the problem.

If you did, own it.

If you need to apologize, apologize.

But do not automatically carry blame simply because another person is unhappy.

Let People Disagree

Someone else’s disagreement does not automatically make your decision wrong.

Listen.

Consider.

Stay teachable.

Then stand where integrity tells you to stand.

Stay Connected to God

Ask Him to comfort you.

But also ask Him to correct you.

Ask for wisdom.

Humility.

Fairness.

Courage.

And peace.

Because sometimes taking the higher road will not feel easier.

Sometimes it will mean having the conversation you would rather avoid.

Sometimes someone still will not agree.

But there is something incredibly freeing about walking away knowing:

I told the truth.

I treated them with respect.

I stayed fair.

I did not have to become someone else to handle something hard.

That is the kind of leader I want to be.

Actually, that is the kind of person I want to be.

Not perfect.

Still learning.

Still growing.

But willing to pause and ask:

What is the right thing here?

Then do my best to take the higher road.

Until next time… keep noticing.