Today’s Reading: Job 28-31
Something feels different.
I can’t tell you exactly what.
I can’t point to some giant event and say, There. That’s what I’ve been waiting for.
Actually, I still don’t know what happens next.
But tonight, I realized something:
I’m becoming more okay with that.
Not perfectly.
I am still me. 😂
My brain can absolutely find a “But what if…” when given enough opportunity.
But something about the way I’m moving through uncertainty is changing.
And maybe that’s the change I’m supposed to pay attention to right now.
Sometimes the Gift Is Just the Moment
Last night ended up being one of those moments.
I was exhausted. I hadn’t felt well all day. My brain and body were both telling me that I was done.
But my son had his first hockey game with his new team.
Hockey has been such a big part of his life, and after watching his confidence take some hits last year, my heart has hurt for him more than I can probably explain without turning this into an entire post about being a mother.
Last night, I got to watch something different.
He looked confident.
He played well.
His team won.
But more importantly, he had fun.
The entire atmosphere felt different.
Refreshing.
And somewhere in the middle of it, my heart did what it has been doing more and more lately:
Thank You, God.
Nothing about the bigger uncertainty in my life had changed.
I didn’t receive an answer.
No door suddenly opened.
I was simply standing inside a good moment and recognizing it while it was happening.
Maybe that’s something I’ve missed before.
Sometimes we’re so busy looking ahead for the giant answer to prayer that we miss the smaller gifts God has placed directly in front of us.
Last night, I didn’t want to miss mine.
Grace Is Becoming a Practice
We got home late.
Really late.
So when today started and I felt completely drained, there was another opportunity for my brain to do what it does best:
You need to get moving.
You’ve already lost half the day.
You didn’t get everything done yesterday.
You have things to do.
Instead, I kept repeating something else I’ve been learning:
Give yourself grace.
This has been a stressful week.
I was tired.
That’s allowed.
Eventually, I did some yoga.
My brain settled.
My body felt better.
I started cleaning the house, doing laundry, and moving through my normal routine.
Nothing extraordinary happened.
But maybe that’s part of the lesson too.
Growth doesn’t always look like doing more.
Sometimes growth looks like not punishing yourself while you get there.
Something Is Coming
Then came my devotionals.
More than one of them spoke about change.
Something new.
Something around the corner.
And I felt it.
I have felt it.
There is something in my heart telling me that change is coming.
Now, if you’ve been reading along, you already know what I’m about to say next. 😂
That doesn’t mean I know what it is.
It doesn’t mean I’ve decided that every sentence I read is a personal prophecy.
It doesn’t mean the outcome I’ve imagined is necessarily the outcome God has planned.
That’s actually what I’ve been learning not to do.
So I’m noticing the hope without assigning it an ending.
I can say:
Something feels different.
I can say:
I feel hopeful.
I can even say:
I believe something is changing.
And then I can leave the next page where it belongs.
Unread.
I don’t need to peek ahead.
Where Does Wisdom Come From?
And that brings me to today’s reading.
Job 28-31.
After chapter after chapter of Job and his friends trying to make sense of suffering, Job 28 turns toward wisdom.
Where is it?
Where do we find understanding?
Human beings can search deep into the earth for things that are hidden.
We can uncover treasures.
We can investigate.
We can reason.
We can search.
And yet there are things we simply cannot know on our own.
God knows.
That landed differently after everything I’ve been learning about discernment.
Because maybe wisdom isn’t the ability to figure everything out.
Maybe wisdom sometimes begins with recognizing:
I can’t.
I can’t know another person’s heart.
I can’t see tomorrow.
I can’t know every consequence of a decision before I make it.
I can’t turn every feeling into an answer.
I can’t control what other people do.
I can’t uncover every hidden piece of the story.
And maybe admitting those limitations isn’t a failure of faith.
Maybe it’s where faith begins.
Knowing God’s Word – and Looking at the Heart Behind It
Something else stayed heavily on my mind today.
Last night, I watched a documentary about Mica Miller.
I don’t want to use this space to determine exactly what happened inside another person’s marriage, assign motives to people I don’t know, or pretend that I have all the facts.
I don’t.
But Mica’s story affected me.
As I watched, I kept thinking about Scripture and the enormous amount of trust we can place in someone when they speak to us in the name of God.
Because there is a difference between God’s Word and the way another human being uses God’s Word.
Someone can quote Scripture.
Someone can stand behind a pulpit.
Someone can know the Bible incredibly well.
Someone can speak with absolute confidence about what God expects from another person.
But none of those things remove our responsibility to discern.
And I think this is where the heart matters.
What is Scripture being used to produce?
Love?
Humility?
Service?
Truth?
Grace?
Or is it being used to create fear, shame, control, superiority, or an expectation that another person continually sacrifice themselves?
Jesus didn’t simply teach humility.
He lived it.
He served.
He lowered Himself.
He repeatedly turned toward people society had pushed aside.
So when someone uses Scripture to elevate themselves while diminishing someone else, I think we’re allowed – and maybe even responsible – to stop and ask:
Does this actually reflect the heart of what I’m reading?
That’s different from simply asking:
Can someone find a Bible verse that appears to support this?
And maybe that’s another reason reading Scripture for ourselves matters so much.
Notice Without Deciding
Later, something happened with work.
An email.
Then a text.
And I felt it immediately.
That negative feeling in my heart.
A few weeks ago, I probably would have started analyzing it.
Why did I feel that?
Does that mean something?
Is this confirmation?
What am I supposed to do?
Today?
I noticed.
That’s it.
The feeling is information.
It doesn’t have to become instruction.
I can hold it alongside everything else I’ve observed.
I can pray.
I can test.
I can listen.
And if there is eventually a next right step attached to it, I’ll take it then.
I don’t need to manufacture one tonight.
And Then I Watched a Movie
Tonight, my husband and I watched a movie.
And I made another small choice that probably wouldn’t have felt important to me a few weeks ago.
I stayed there.
I didn’t pick up my phone and start researching.
I didn’t disappear into the blog.
I didn’t start trying to solve my life.
I watched the movie with my husband.
I stayed in the moment.
It was a positive movie.
And then, because apparently this is how my life works lately, the movie ended with angels guiding people.
😂
My heart immediately said:
Notice.
So I did.
Could it simply have been the ending of a movie?
Absolutely.
Could it have felt particularly meaningful because of everything I’ve been thinking about?
Absolutely.
Do I need to decide tonight?
No.
And THAT might be one of the biggest differences in me.
I don’t have to turn everything I notice into an answer.
I can appreciate the moment.
Smile.
Say Thank You, God.
And keep going.
Maybe This Is Wisdom
I started this journey wanting answers.
I still want some.
But I’m beginning to wonder whether God is giving me something else first.
Wisdom.
Not the kind that knows everything.
The kind that knows what it doesn’t need to know yet.
Wisdom to pause.
Wisdom to notice.
Wisdom to test.
Wisdom to recognize what belongs to me and what doesn’t.
Wisdom to enjoy something beautiful without asking it to solve tomorrow.
Wisdom to feel hope without turning hope into a prediction.
Wisdom to recognize that even Scripture needs to be understood through the heart and character of the God who gave it to us – not simply through the confidence of the person quoting it.
Wisdom to trust that if there is something I need to know, I don’t have to force God to reveal it before I’m ready.
Maybe that’s what has changed.
I’m still standing in uncertainty.
But I’m not standing in it the same way.
Questions I’m Leaving With
Can I receive today’s gifts without requiring them to answer tomorrow’s questions?
Can I feel hopeful about change without deciding what that change has to look like?
Am I learning God’s Word well enough to test what I’m hearing – even when the person speaking sounds confident?
When I hear Scripture being used, am I also looking at what that interpretation produces?
Can I care deeply about someone without taking responsibility for carrying their pain?
Can I notice a feeling without immediately turning it into instruction?
And can I trust that what I need for the next page will be there when it’s actually time to turn it?
Today’s Takeaway
Maybe you are waiting for something too.
A decision.
A change.
An answer.
A door.
Maybe you’ve been praying so hard for the next chapter that you’ve started searching every moment for clues about how this one ends.
I understand that.
But maybe today doesn’t have to tell us what happens tomorrow.
Maybe today can simply be today.
Receive the good moment.
Give yourself grace when you’re tired.
Know God’s Word for yourself.
And when someone tells you what God says, don’t be afraid to keep reading, praying, asking, and testing.
Look beyond whether the words sound biblical.
Look at the heart of what they produce.
Pay attention to what your own heart is telling you – but test that too.
Care without carrying.
Hope without demanding.
Notice without forcing an explanation.
And when something beautiful happens right in the middle of an unresolved season?
Don’t miss it because you’re still looking for the answer.
Maybe the answer isn’t here yet.
But God is.
And tonight, that’s enough for me.
Lord, Take Control.
Until next time… keep noticing.