Embracing the Journey

Today’s Reading: Numbers 22-24

Today’s Notice Journey theme was:

Look Back.

And honestly, that ended up fitting the day more than I expected.

Because noticing growth is not always easy while we are in the middle of it.

Sometimes we expect growth to feel obvious.

Like one day we wake up and suddenly the thing that used to trigger us no longer does.

No anxiety.

No overthinking.

No fear.

No spiraling.

Just peace.

That has not been my experience.

Instead, when I look back over just the last week, I can see something else happening.

The anxiety still shows up.

The overwhelm still shows up.

Doubt still shows up too.

But I am responding differently.

And that matters.

Maybe I Have Been Looking for Growth to Feel Bigger

For a long time, I think I expected change to feel dramatic.

Like if I was really growing, I would stop having the same thoughts altogether.

But lately I am realizing that may not be the best way to measure it.

The same feelings can still show up.

The difference is that now I catch them sooner.

I pause sooner.

Sometimes I question them before automatically believing them.

And more often, I know how to return.

Maybe that is growth too.

Numbers 22 Gave Me a Picture I Was Not Expecting

Today I was reading Numbers 22-24.

And one moment in Numbers 22 stopped me.

Balaam is traveling, but he does not see what his donkey sees.

The angel of the Lord is there.

The donkey sees him.

Balaam does not.

Instead, Balaam becomes frustrated because he cannot understand why the donkey keeps behaving the way it does.

Eventually, God opens Balaam’s eyes.

Suddenly, he can see what had already been there.

That hit me.

Not because I think every answer in life is sitting directly in front of us.

And not because I believe God is constantly hiding secret signs that we are supposed to decode.

But because the story made me think about how often something can be present before we are ready to recognize it.

Sometimes the situation changes.

Other times, we change enough to see something differently.

Maybe Some Answers Have Been There Longer Than I Realized

This keeps coming up for me in Scripture.

Again and again, people are shown God’s faithfulness.

They receive guidance.

They are given reminders.

They experience provision.

Then another difficult moment comes.

Fear returns.

Doubt starts talking again.

And suddenly yesterday’s evidence feels very far away.

Honestly?

That is still us.

Times are different.

The world is different.

But humanity?

We still fear.

We still doubt.

Comparison still gets us.

Jealousy still exists.

Gossip still exists.

We still forget.

And we still need reminders.

That is one reason the Bible continues to feel more current to me the longer I read it.

The stories are ancient. The humanity is not.

Today Was Actually a Good Day

Work was normal.

Not perfect.

Not chaotic.

Just productive.

My husband and I also had some time together before he leaves for work travel.

Then we got family time too.

And something else has been happening lately.

He is starting to notice with me.

That has actually been really helpful.

Sometimes I catch something in myself.

Other times he recognizes something in himself.

And every once in a while, one of us points something out that the other person was not seeing yet.

It feels like we are starting to practice this together.

Not perfectly.

Just more intentionally.

Then I Picked Up My Phone

And there they were.

Messages.

A lot of them.

Every time I picked up my phone, I saw the number sitting there.

Immediately?

Overwhelm.

So I would put the phone back down without even doing the thing I originally picked it up to do.

Looking back, that is actually kind of funny.

The messages were not doing anything.

They were just sitting there.

But my brain had already turned them into:

All the things I need to do.

Everyone I need to answer.

Everything I am behind on.

How am I possibly going to get all of this done?

Then I went upstairs to take a shower.

The Noise Followed Me Into the Shower

I put on my nightly devotional.

Normally, I love that time.

Quiet.

Water running.

Devotional playing.

A chance to slow down.

Except my brain had other plans.

I could barely concentrate.

My mind was back downstairs with the messages.

Then it moved to everything I needed to do when I got out.

How long would all of it take?

What had I forgotten?

What else might be waiting?

Eventually, I felt it.

That familiar tight feeling in my chest.

The heavy anxious feeling.

Which, yes, feels absolutely wonderful.

That was sarcasm.

But this time, I noticed it.

And This Time, I Interrupted It

Somewhere in the middle of all of that, I paused.

Then I told myself:

Focus on the shower.

Focus on the devotional.

When I was done, I could make a list.

Which messages truly needed an answer tonight?

Which ones could wait?

And which ones were not even mine to carry?

Almost immediately, I felt better.

The situation had not changed.

The messages were still there.

But my relationship to them had.

The Giant Problem Was Three People

When I finished my shower, I made the list.

Do you know how many people actually needed my attention that night?

Three.

Three.

That was it.

My brain had created an entire crisis out of something that came down to three conversations.

And that made me notice something I keep learning:

The thing in my head is often much bigger than the thing actually in front of me.

Once I slow down enough to sort it?

It usually becomes manageable.

Noticing Growth Means Looking Back at the Ending Too

Maybe growth is not that the anxiety never comes back. Maybe growth is that I notice it sooner.

This is where today’s Look Back theme really started making sense.

A year ago, I might have stayed in that anxious feeling much longer.

Maybe I would have rushed through the shower.

Barely heard the devotional.

Come downstairs already irritated.

Opened every message.

Tried to answer everything at once.

Then felt resentful that I had so much to do.

Today?

The anxiety came.

But the ending changed.

That matters.

Maybe growth is not:

I never get overwhelmed anymore.

Maybe growth is:

I recognized the overwhelm before it took over the rest of my night.

Then Something Else Happened

Once I narrowed everything down, I gave those three conversations my attention.

And something good came from that too.

One person needed support.

It felt good to slow down and actually be there for someone else.

Another situation required honesty.

I could not control how that honesty would be received.

All I could do was tell the truth and do what I believed was right.

And it ended better than I expected.

Again, the pattern was there:

Notice.

Pause.

Do what is mine.

Release what is not.

Then keep moving.

Good Can Travel Too

Afterward, I told my husband about all of this.

Then he started noticing some of the same things.

That made me think:

Look how simply good can travel.

We talk so much about negative things spreading.

Fear spreads.

Gossip spreads.

Stress spreads.

One person gets worked up and suddenly everyone in the room feels it.

But peace can travel too.

Patience can travel.

Encouragement can travel.

Awareness can travel.

Sometimes one person pauses.

Then someone else pauses too.

I really loved that.

What If God Sees the Part Nobody Else Does?

Another thought came to me earlier today.

That feeling when you are trying so hard to do the right thing.

Trying to be kind.

Trying to be honest.

Trying not to react.

Trying to make the responsible choice.

And sometimes it still feels like:

Does anyone even see this?

Or:

Why does it feel like I keep getting the harder path?

Then I thought:

But God sees.

And something about that changed the feeling immediately.

Not because it guarantees that everything suddenly becomes fair.

It does not.

But there is something grounding about remembering:

I am not doing the right thing only because someone else notices.

God sees the effort.

He sees the restraint.

He sees the choice nobody applauds.

He sees the moment when I could have gone one direction and chose another.

That matters.

Maybe Meeting With God Daily Is Simpler Than We Make It

That thought led me somewhere else too.

I was talking to my husband about how essential meeting with God daily is starting to feel to me.

And I completely understand why that can sound like a lot.

People hear:

Read the Bible every day.

And immediately picture some huge commitment.

An hour.

A complicated Bible study.

Knowing where everything is.

Understanding every verse.

But honestly?

From one crazy human to another:

We spend more time Googling nonsense.

We scroll.

Read comments.

Click random things.

Spend ten minutes researching something we did not even need to know.

So what if we took one of those moments and read Scripture instead?

A few verses.

A chapter.

A devotional.

One question.

Then just notice.

What stood out?

What did it remind you of?

What keeps coming back to your mind later?

It does not have to be complicated.

Maybe That Is Why Noticing Matters So Much

You cannot notice what you never slow down enough to see.

That keeps bringing me back to:

Pause. Notice. Check. Choose.

Pause long enough to see what is happening.

Notice the thought.

Check what it is producing.

Choose what deserves your attention.

Then keep moving.

Not perfectly.

Just more intentionally.

Looking Back Showed Me Something I Might Have Missed

If today’s Journey had not asked me to look back, I might have missed this.

I could have ended the night thinking:

Well, I got anxious again.

And stopped there.

But when I look back more honestly?

Yes.

I got anxious.

Then I caught it.

I sorted it.

I returned.

I focused on what actually needed me.

And I released the rest.

That is not nothing.

That is change.

Growth Does Not Always Announce Itself

Sometimes growth is quiet.

It is the moment you stop before reacting.

The moment you catch the thought.

The moment you recognize the pressure in your chest.

Or the moment you realize:

This is bigger in my head than it is in reality.

Growth can be asking:

What is actually mine?

Then returning to what is right in front of you.

Those moments are easy to miss while they are happening.

Sometimes you only see them when you look back.

Questions I’m Leaving With

Where did I respond differently this week?

What did I notice sooner?

Did I recover from fear or overwhelm more quickly?

What felt enormous in my head but smaller once I slowed down?

Where did I choose honesty even though I could not control the outcome?

Did something good travel from me to someone else?

What have I been doing differently without giving myself credit for it?

And is there something that has been in front of me all along that I am only now beginning to see?

Today’s Takeaway

Noticing growth does not mean looking for perfection.

Sometimes it means looking for the small ways the ending has started to change.

Look Back

Think about the last week.

Where did you pause?

Where did you respond differently?

What did you catch that you might have missed before?

Notice the Small Shifts

Do not only look for huge breakthroughs.

Maybe you paused before reacting.

Perhaps you recognized overwhelm earlier.

You may have released something that was never yours to carry.

Or maybe you simply noticed something good while it was happening.

Those count.

Pay Attention to What Was Already There

Sometimes the answer is not something brand-new.

Sometimes we finally notice something we have been walking past.

A pattern.

A truth.

A reminder.

A change in ourselves.

Remember What God Has Already Done

Fear has a way of making us forget.

So look back.

What has God already carried you through?

What have you already learned?

What evidence of growth is already there?

Keep Meeting Him

You do not need to make it complicated.

Read.

Pause.

Ask.

Notice.

Then come back tomorrow.

Because maybe the goal is not becoming someone who never feels fear, doubt, or overwhelm again.

Maybe it is becoming someone who recognizes those things sooner and knows how to return.

And when you look back?

You might realize you have already changed more than you thought.

Until next time… keep noticing.