Embracing the Journey

Today’s Reading: Numbers 35-36 & Deuteronomy 1-2

Lately, I have been thinking a lot about what happens after something you prayed for begins to arrive.

Waiting required faith.

Uncertainty required surrender.

Fear required me to keep returning.

But I am realizing that faith in a new season requires something too.

It requires me to receive what is good without immediately feeling guilty for it.

It requires confidence without arrogance.

Gratitude without pretending I did not work hard.

And maybe most importantly, it requires me to keep doing the things that grounded me before anything changed.

Because apparently getting an answer does not mean the lessons stop.

Sometimes it means we are finally ready for the next ones.

I Am Grateful. And I Am Allowing Myself to Feel Deserving Too.

This week was a lot.

There are still parts of what is happening professionally that I am intentionally keeping private because other people’s stories are mixed into mine right now.

But I can say this:

I feel grateful.

Deeply grateful.

At the same time, I have caught myself feeling guilty because other people are still facing uncertainty.

That part of me understands why.

I care about people.

I know what uncertainty feels like because I have been sitting in it myself.

So when something begins moving in a hopeful direction for me while someone else is still waiting, there is a part of my brain that wants to shrink the good.

Almost like fully receiving it would somehow mean I care less about what someone else is going through.

But those two things do not cancel each other out.

I can care about someone else’s uncertainty and still be grateful for my opportunity.

And I can say something else too:

I worked really, really hard to get here.

That is not arrogance.

It is true.

I have spent years learning, building, problem-solving, showing up, making mistakes, trying again, and taking on responsibilities that taught me more than I could have understood at the time.

So yes.

I am grateful.

And I feel deserving.

For once, I am going to allow both to exist.

Someone Else’s Uncertainty Does Not Require Me to Feel Guilty for My Opportunity

That may be something I need to repeat.

Compassion does not require self-erasure.

I do not have to make myself smaller so someone else does not feel uncomfortable.

I also do not have to stop caring about them simply because something good may be happening for me.

Both can be true.

I can hope for good things for someone else.

I can be sensitive about what I share.

I can help where I am able.

And I can still receive what is happening in my own life with gratitude.

That feels healthier than turning another person’s uncertainty into evidence that I should not enjoy my own progress.

Then Came the Question of Whether I Am Capable

There has also been some questioning around whether I am ready for what may be ahead.

I understand that too.

A larger role means larger responsibility.

There are things I will need to learn.

There will be decisions I have never made before.

New challenges will come with it.

I do not need to pretend otherwise.

But I also noticed what those questions stirred up in me.

For a moment, I started questioning myself too.

Then I remembered something I had already written recently:

I know who I am.

I also know what I am capable of.

Now I have to believe that and show it too.

Confidence does not require me to believe I know everything.

It requires me to stop pretending I have no evidence of what I am capable of.

And I do have evidence.

Confidence and Humility Can Exist Together

I think I used to treat confidence almost like the opposite of humility.

As though saying:

I am good at this

somehow meant:

I think I am better than everyone else.

Those are not the same thing.

I can acknowledge what I do well and remain teachable.

I can trust my experience while knowing I still have more to learn.

I can step into responsibility without believing I have every answer.

Actually, I think asking:

How do I make sure I keep checking myself as I grow?

is part of being ready for greater responsibility.

I do not want success to stop the self-reflection.

I want it to require more of it.

Today’s Devotional Was About the Routine of Faith

Then I opened today’s devotional.

The title was:

The Routine of Faith.

And once again, the timing made me smile.

The message was about consistency.

Faith cannot only be something we reach for occasionally.

Relationship with God requires regular communication.

Regular time.

Continual surrender.

Scripture.

Returning.

Again and again.

And I immediately thought:

We literally just talked about this.

Yesterday’s lesson was:

I cannot step into what I prayed for by abandoning the practices that carried me while I waited for it.

Then today’s devotional essentially said:

Exactly. Keep the routine.

Faith in a New Season Still Needs the Same Foundation

That may be what I need to remember most right now.

When life was uncertain, making time for God felt necessary because I needed somewhere to bring the fear.

I needed help surrendering.

I needed reminders.

I needed peace.

But what happens when the uncertainty starts changing?

What happens when an opportunity appears?

When things get exciting?

When more responsibility arrives?

When the schedule becomes fuller?

It would be very easy to think:

I’ll get back to my routine once this settles down.

Except I am beginning to understand that the new season may require those practices even more.

The Bible.

Prayer.

Writing.

Reflection.

Rest.

Boundaries.

Time with my family.

The things that helped prepare me for the next chapter cannot suddenly become optional because the next chapter arrived.

One of the Most Unexpected Parts of This Journey

There is another piece I am intentionally not going too far into yet.

I want to save it for the end of the 30-Day Notice Journey because I think it deserves to be looked at as a whole.

But I can say this:

One of the most unexpected parts of this Journey has been watching what happens when someone beside you starts practicing it too.

Watching my husband over these last couple of weeks has honestly been amazing.

There are changes I can see.

Conversations that feel different.

Things he notices now that he may not have noticed before.

And we are able to talk about those things together.

I did not expect this practice to affect our relationship in the way it has.

But it has.

So for now, I am simply noticing.

The rest can wait until Day 30.

Deuteronomy Starts by Looking Back

Today’s reading moved from Numbers 35–36 into Deuteronomy 1–2.

And Deuteronomy immediately felt familiar.

Moses begins looking back.

He recounts the journey.

Where they had been.

What happened.

Where fear affected them.

Where they struggled.

Where they moved forward.

Where God had already carried them.

It is not simply about the destination.

The journey matters.

The history matters.

What they learned along the way matters.

And after more than fifty entries of doing something very similar in my own life, that stood out.

I keep looking back too.

Not to live there.

To understand.

Looking Back Gives Me Evidence

When I question whether I am capable, I can look back.

When fear says:

What if you cannot handle this?

I can look back.

Not because the past guarantees that everything ahead will be easy.

It does not.

But I have evidence.

There have been hard seasons before.

There have been responsibilities I did not feel ready for before.

There have been moments when I had no idea what came next.

And somehow, step by step, I learned.

I adapted.

I kept going.

Most importantly, I kept becoming.

That is worth remembering.

Eventually, You Have to Turn Toward What Is Next

Then Deuteronomy 2 shifts the movement.

The people had spent enough time circling the same region.

It was time to turn and move forward.

I am not reading that as some secret prediction about my career.

But I cannot ignore what it made me think about.

There are seasons when we need to wait.

There are seasons when we need to look back.

There are seasons when we need to heal.

And eventually, there are seasons when we have to move.

At some point, continuing to question whether we are allowed to take the next step can become another way of staying stuck.

Maybe I do not need another hundred pieces of evidence before I allow myself to move forward.

Maybe I need to take what I have learned and walk.

I Still Need Boundaries in the New Chapter

Numbers 35-36 also kept the themes of boundaries, responsibility, justice, and inheritance in front of me.

I do not think every detail belongs in today’s bigger message.

But I noticed the continuation.

What belongs where still matters.

Responsibility still matters.

Boundaries still matter.

And that is especially important as I move into something new.

I do not want ambition to erase what I have learned.

I do not want gratitude to turn into over-functioning.

I do not want the desire to prove myself to become:

Say yes to everything.

I have already lived that version.

I know where it leads.

This time, I want to build differently.

I Want to Keep Being Who I Am

That may be the most important part.

I do not want a new opportunity to create a new version of me that is less present.

Less grounded.

Less connected to God.

Less available to my family.

More anxious.

More reactive.

More consumed by work.

I want to bring who I have become into the opportunity.

Not leave her behind to receive it.

That means continuing to check myself.

Continuing to ask:

What is mine?

What needs me now?

Where are my boundaries moving?

Am I acting from confidence or from fear that I need to prove myself?

Am I still making room for God?

Those questions do not make me less prepared.

I think they make me more prepared.

Gratitude Does Not Mean Pretending I Did Not Work for This

I also want to say this clearly because I think someone else may need it.

You can thank God and still acknowledge your effort.

Those are not opposites.

I can believe God has guided me while also recognizing that I showed up.

I worked.

I learned.

I stayed through difficult seasons.

I made decisions.

I built things.

I kept going when I wanted to quit.

Gratitude does not require pretending I was passive in my own story.

Maybe part of honoring what God has given us is being willing to use what we have learned.

And Deserving Does Not Mean Entitled

There is a difference there too.

Entitlement says:

This should be mine because I deserve it.

What I feel is different.

It is:

If this opportunity is mine, I do not need to apologize for being ready for it.

I can receive it humbly.

I can continue learning.

I can remain grateful.

And I can allow myself to believe:

I am capable of doing good work here.

That sentence still feels a little uncomfortable.

Which is probably why I need to practice saying it.

Maybe This Is What Moving Forward Looks Like

Not certainty about everything.

Not suddenly becoming fearless.

Not knowing every answer.

Maybe moving forward looks like:

Remembering what God has already done.

Acknowledging what I have already learned.

Remaining open to what I still need to learn.

Protecting the routines that keep me grounded.

Holding my boundaries.

And taking the next step without apologizing for having reached it.

That feels very different from trying to prove I deserve to be there.

Questions I’m Leaving With

Can I receive something good without immediately feeling guilty about it?

Am I allowing someone else’s uncertainty to make me minimize my own progress?

Where do I have real evidence of my capability?

Can I acknowledge my strengths while remaining teachable?

What practices carried me through the waiting?

Am I protecting them as life changes?

Where might I be tempted to prove myself instead of simply doing the work well?

What boundaries do I need to keep checking?

Am I looking back to learn, or looking back because I am afraid to move forward?

And what would happen if I trusted that I am allowed to take the next step?

Today’s Takeaway

Sometimes receiving what you prayed for requires faith too.

Let Yourself Be Grateful

Do not rush past something good because someone else’s story looks different.

You can care about them and still receive what is happening in your life.

Remember the Evidence

Look back.

What have you already survived?

What have you learned?

Where have you grown?

You may have more evidence of your capability than fear wants you to remember.

Stay Teachable

Confidence does not mean having every answer.

Know what you bring.

Then remain willing to learn what you do not know yet.

Protect the Routine

Keep doing what grounded you.

Read.

Pray.

Reflect.

Rest.

Return.

Do not wait until life gets hard again to reconnect with the practices that helped shape you.

Move Forward

There may come a point when another round of questioning is no longer preparation.

It is hesitation.

Take the lesson.

Take the gratitude.

Take the boundaries.

Take the faith.

Then take the next step.

Because I am beginning to understand that I do not have to choose between humility and confidence.

I can say:

Thank You, God.

And I can also say:

I worked hard for this. I am capable. I am still learning. And I am ready to keep going.

Until next time… keep noticing.